At Storm’s End

How does it feel, when you’re stuck in the eye of the storm and everything around you dissolves into chaos?

Hell is inevitable to people who’re fresh out of a relationship; or in my case, an attempted one. People tend to stress the “no commitment” part a bit too much, making you feel like there wasn’t something special to begin with.

But there was, there was. Sad how everything is in past tense right now.

The false sense of calm was only an exterior show for the storm that was brewing within me. Denial was inevitable, frustration was normal, and of course, there’s that lingering sadness that latches on and seeps away what’s left of your happiness.

The rain was falling now. Soft drops of liquid crystal fell from oblivion; I was slowly getting drenched from the insistent shower. Shelter was scarce, the trees only provided minimal help against the impending barrage.

Everything seemed to fall apart from there on. Sad songs were on loop in my playlist, I found myself avoiding all hopeful songs while clinging on to the bitter reality that was sentenced unto me.

I was drowning in self-misery, yes. Oddly enough though, only when I was drowning could I finally breathe in the air of sweet acceptance. Roads end, new ones start. Doors close and better ones open. Every opportunity was calling out my name, but I didn’t know how to respond. I was still chained into a  sense of hope that was bound to betray me.

The wind picked up, and the atmosphere burned of electricity. Chains of sparks flew in every direction, reaching out to the ground like a sinner begging for mercy. Water rained down in endless waves, scattering all the proud of heart, casting the mighty from their thrones.

Being downright deadpan was so easy, it was almost scary. Daggers flew from our eyes whenever our eyes would meet, awkward silences were so loud to the point where they were deafening. Amazing is it? How hard it is to turn a stranger into your friend, yet how easy it is to turn a friend into a stranger.

I seized every opportunity to “move on.” Dim lights, burning lungs, stolen kisses, laboured breaths, everything to keep my mind off things. I knew in the end that it was futile. Her face burned into my eyes every time I closed my eyes, her voice filled my ears at the end of every breath. I couldn’t keep running away from something that was there to stay.

I had to face it.

“Let’s be start over. There’s no point of wasting a perfectly good friendship over something that didn’t work out.”

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The next day, I was minding my own business when she showed up. She smiled, and waved. I just didn’t know how to react to that.

After hours of unforgiving downpour, the rain and wind faltered; a pact between the elements were formed, and blazing fire shone through the clouds, and an everlasting array of blue painted the skies once again. 

By morning, gone was any trace of you. I think I’m finally clean.