Gravity

The shadow of a ladder extending towards the heavens loomed over me while I lay down on the frigid ground. My eyes were open and staring at the stars that I was so close to touching. My twisted arm reached out to the cold air, but I know they were already out of reach. I dropped my arm to my side and recounted how it all went wrong. It didn’t take very long to recall something so fresh. Falling from a short height is tolerable, from an average height endurable. Falling from high ground is another story altogether.

I’ve fallen from such a height. I’ve willed myself to do it. The climb was great, a careful, misguided plan of masochism such as love. The ladder was set, its rungs limitless. There was nowhere else to go but up. I had eagerly grasped on and willed myself upward. It was slow, but rewarding. Rung after rung, I led myself to greater heights, enabling myself to breathe atmospheres I never knew existed, beholding sights I wasn’t capable of seeing. As the climb grew steeper and steeper, it was only a matter of time before I was seeing the city lights beneath me and I sighed, taking in the sweet horizon my eyes were feasting upon.

This is the highest I’ve ever been, I had thought, and it feels amazing.

That being said, I took another step higher, and as swift as a knife going in for a kill, my thoughts betrayed me. A snap threw me backward, and the broken rung slipped from my fingers. Before I knew it, I was going down the way I came.

The fall was infuriatingly beautiful. An array of lights rushed to greet me as I descended towards my demise. Every colour of emotion greeted me with a mocking smile, every memory kissed me with the intensity of a million suns. I was falling, yes I was. But I was too caught up in the beauty of it, I barely noticed that something was wrong until I was inches away from the ground.

Then, there was the impact. I closed my eyes, but that barely did anything. Sweet pain rocketed up my senses, like divine punishment to a mere mortal. The venom of the pain seared on, and I could only scream for it to stop but to no avail.

After a while, here I am – still sore, but recovering.

For the umpteenth time, I breathed out a silent oath as my whole body quivered from the lingering ache that has still got me down on my knees.

I’ve had it. I’m done, I kept telling myself.

I can’t keep playing the same old games.

I may be human, but I ain’t a saint.

Martyrdom isn’t cut out for me.

I won’t fall again.

I won’t fall again.

I won’t fall again.

I won’t fall…

I won’t…

I…

…

Or so I thought.

A pair of brown eyes caught my eye, careful as a blade on flesh. A pair of guarded lips were next, sealed in a taut line of hidden emotion. “Guarded” didn’t last for very long as the two streaks of pink pulled back to reveal a smile. A dimple on each cheek added an extra dose of welcome in her smile.

She was a sight to behold. A masterpiece in herself.

It didn’t take me long to realize that,

I was ready to climb the ladder once more.

Up we go then.

At Storm’s End

How does it feel, when you’re stuck in the eye of the storm and everything around you dissolves into chaos?

Hell is inevitable to people who’re fresh out of a relationship; or in my case, an attempted one. People tend to stress the “no commitment” part a bit too much, making you feel like there wasn’t something special to begin with.

But there was, there was. Sad how everything is in past tense right now.

The false sense of calm was only an exterior show for the storm that was brewing within me. Denial was inevitable, frustration was normal, and of course, there’s that lingering sadness that latches on and seeps away what’s left of your happiness.

The rain was falling now. Soft drops of liquid crystal fell from oblivion; I was slowly getting drenched from the insistent shower. Shelter was scarce, the trees only provided minimal help against the impending barrage.

Everything seemed to fall apart from there on. Sad songs were on loop in my playlist, I found myself avoiding all hopeful songs while clinging on to the bitter reality that was sentenced unto me.

I was drowning in self-misery, yes. Oddly enough though, only when I was drowning could I finally breathe in the air of sweet acceptance. Roads end, new ones start. Doors close and better ones open. Every opportunity was calling out my name, but I didn’t know how to respond. I was still chained into a  sense of hope that was bound to betray me.

The wind picked up, and the atmosphere burned of electricity. Chains of sparks flew in every direction, reaching out to the ground like a sinner begging for mercy. Water rained down in endless waves, scattering all the proud of heart, casting the mighty from their thrones.

Being downright deadpan was so easy, it was almost scary. Daggers flew from our eyes whenever our eyes would meet, awkward silences were so loud to the point where they were deafening. Amazing is it? How hard it is to turn a stranger into your friend, yet how easy it is to turn a friend into a stranger.

I seized every opportunity to “move on.” Dim lights, burning lungs, stolen kisses, laboured breaths, everything to keep my mind off things. I knew in the end that it was futile. Her face burned into my eyes every time I closed my eyes, her voice filled my ears at the end of every breath. I couldn’t keep running away from something that was there to stay.

I had to face it.

“Let’s be start over. There’s no point of wasting a perfectly good friendship over something that didn’t work out.”

.

.

.

.

The next day, I was minding my own business when she showed up. She smiled, and waved. I just didn’t know how to react to that.

After hours of unforgiving downpour, the rain and wind faltered; a pact between the elements were formed, and blazing fire shone through the clouds, and an everlasting array of blue painted the skies once again. 

By morning, gone was any trace of you. I think I’m finally clean.